New Year's Critics

So it’s the time of year when we think about New Year’s resolutions. Ugh.

(Let’s not talk about last year’s resolutions that were abandoned around early February.)

I know what my biggest goal for the New Year is. I want to write. I have wanted to write a book for a long time, but I don’t make writing a priority. 

Something about last week had me amped up. Maybe it was the time off work that led to increased headspace. I had new ideas flowing. I started jotting down ideas. I began re-living my grand visions of what it would be like to be a published writer.

Then a reality check: Some readers would agree with me, but surely some would not. I could already picture my inbox filling with angry words from grumbling people. There’s an Internet full of outspoken people who don’t hesitate to share their opinion, often anonymously, without any intention of civil dialogue.

Rejection is one of my ultimate fears. Inadequacy and self-doubt ….  I deal with these things daily. I don’t think I’m alone in this. And yet, I feel that if I wasn’t equipped to be a writer, God wouldn’t have given me this desire. I can’t shake it.

I’ve got to figure out a way to deal with this fear. So I turned to some great writers for some encouragement in how they deal with criticism.

Jon Acuff writes about how we should respond to a critic in his book Start. He writes that 1). Haters are inevitable but 2). My response is up for grabs.

My initial focus when confronted with a critic should be WHO is saying this? Is this person someone whose opinion I should even care about? Probably not. The approval of the people that I love should be all that I care about. The opinions of the people that I care about the most will tell me to my face.

Also, I need to think about WHY are they saying this? Does this person want a genuine conversation to uncover truth? Or does this person want to just bully anyone with a different opinion, drop a grenade and then leave?

In the words of the immortal Taylor Swift: People throw rocks at things that shine.

Brene Brown is one of my scholarly heros. She writes on vulnerability, shame, empathy. Her book, Daring Greatly, borrows its title from a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt. I printed this out and tacked it up in up in my office so I can read it daily:

It is not the critic who counts;

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly; who errs,

who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms,

the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst,

if he fails,

at least fails while daring greatly.

This New Year, I want to write, and I want to succeed in writing. If I encounter critics, I’ll know how to deal with them. If I fail at writing, at least I tried.

Not trying at all would leave a greater hole in me.

IMG_0378.JPG

Some Big Questions

A little while back, I asked on my personal FB page for some writing ideas. I got a lot of good responses.

How can I cope with my family member who has a mental illness?

How do I turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts?

How can I make my family understand what I’m going through?

How do I learn how to forgive a person who wronged me?

How can I forgive myself?

 

These are big, big questions.

These are not things that can be fixed by reading a few paragraphs that I write.

Deep-seeded issues require long-term therapy.

 

I cannot stress enough the value of a relationship with a good therapist.

 

Through the hard work of therapy, your brain can be re-wired, your perspective can change, you can learn new ways of coping and you can find some happiness.

 

Yes, this can be expensive. Do it anyway.

No, insurance does not always cover this. Pay for it anyway.

You’re busy with kids and marriages and school and busyness. Make time anyway.

Your family or friends or co-workers might perceive you to be ‘weak’ if they find out. Schedule that appointment anyway.

You probably won’t see results until after several sessions. Keep going anyway.

It will probably be uncomfortable because self-examination tends to be that way. Keep going anyway.

 

Investing time and money in your brain and your mental health is the best investment you will ever make.

 

Think about how much you would be willing to sacrifice for happiness. 

IMG_7628.JPG